The ceremony that fell flat?

Why I felt disappointed after holding myself in ceremony and how it gave me so much more than I asked for

Welcome to Slow Tarot Stories; a place for me to share how tarot beautifully weaves its way into my life, as I try my best to live slowly and simply.
Thank you for being here xo

Phew, I’ve just about scraped in with a post in June! I don’t know about you but this month has been FULL. I find that the themes around the time of the Solstice are all abundance, radiance, blossoming and fullness… but this feels a little toxic to me. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, June has probably been one of my hardest months of the year.
Life has felt too full, too overflowing, too hot to handle (with a feisty 3 year old)… and I have been at capacity a lot of the time, meaning that there has been little space for anything other than taming a toddler with chicken pox going through ‘a phase’ and managing my own emotions/big feelings whilst attempting to hold hers. But I am here, always at the very last minute (that’s me in a nutshell to be honest!)

How has June felt for you? I’d love for you to leave me a comment below or even send me a message to let me know…

I have had a post on my heart for most of the month that is slowly piecing together but it seems now isn’t the right time for it to come through. It’s there, but not quite ready to be birthed just yet. So here are some musings on something that happened last night…

Last night, I held the most elaborate ceremony I have ever done. It took me over 20 minutes to set up; calling in the four corners, making cacao with homemade rose water (*this is a hint as to the post that is stirring in my heart) and gathering crystals and my cauldron I haven’t seen since I was a teenager (my mum is currently moving out of the family home and having a clear out!) The ritual itself felt so deeply powerful and intentional, as I buried the ashes of what I was releasing back into the earth.

I guess I was expecting to feel a huge shift afterwards. What I had done was huge… but my feelings didn’t reflect it. Why didn’t I feel relief or grief or sorrow or elation, or any of the other things I ‘should’ have felt?

When it was all complete, I pulled some tarot cards and, based on the powerful ceremony I had just conducted, I expected to see some pretty heavy hitting Majors.
But no… 3 Minor cards greeted me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed.

Here’s the thing…
When we hold ceremonies, rituals or conduct spells, the shift quite rarely comes in that moment. This is simply the ignition, the catalyst, the threshold. We expect (/hope) to feel immediately different or for momentous changes and transformations to occur… but truly, this is only the start.

And the cards I pulled reflected that truth...

The Two of Wands showed me that I am moving forward in the right direction and that I am where I need to be.
The Five of Pentacles reversed softly placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me permission, in fact implored me, to grieve the past that I was letting go of.
The 10 of Cups acknowledged the fullness I had been feeling but also reminded me that I need to also pour into my own cup in order to pour into all the other things that bring me joy. Based on the theme of the ceremony too, it echoed that I get to choose where/who I pour my energy into and to nurture the attachments and relationships in my life that support me in my fullness.

These cards gently whispered “yes darling, you’ve done a beautiful thing and you’re going the right way… but this is just the beginning”.

A subtle, soft, gentle energy doesn’t mean that the ritual hasn’t worked or that it hasn’t transmuted anything. Quite the opposite actually. Working in a calm, slow, easeful way allows our nervous systems to integrate and process what we are moving through, rather than shocking ourselves into change that we may later freak out about and reject, reverting back to old ways that feel known and comfortable.

Conducting this ceremony felt humbling. It was a beautiful thing to dedicate the time to creating and holding this space for myself. It felt devotional and the simple act of practicing the ritual was healing in itself. It showed that I was worthy of spending this time with and on myself.
We are so programmed to needing to see immediate results, that it feels somewhat rebellious to not be feeling momentously different. This is a slow unfolding over time, that in a few months I will look back on and say “wow, look how far I’ve come”.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on what I’ve shared and what this brings up for you. Slow Tarot Stories is currently free to enjoy but please consider supporting my work by sharing with someone you feel would love this too…