Dating and the Death card...

How tarot helped me through my recent dating adventure

On a dark Monday evening in February, snuggled on the sofa watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race with my bestie, I set up a dating app profile. It had been 5 months since ending my marriage and I felt the need for a little pick-me-up. On February 29th, I matched with Dan (*not his real name) and we connected instantly.

It would be no exaggeration to say that, if I’d asked a friend to write down my ‘perfect guy’ on paper, Dan would’ve fitted the bill to a tee. Within a couple of weeks of chatting, we had our first date. I was drawn in by his piercing blue eyes, positive outlook, tattooed arms and magnetic energy (he had written a book about the law of attraction after all!)

The day after our date, we messaged back and forth, the entire day. The excitement was building. I was caught completely off guard. On my profile, when asked what I was looking for I had selected “I don’t know”.
And I really didn’t know; what it was that I wanted or where this was going to lead me. But I did know that Dan was showing up, at this point in my life, for a reason. I had a deep sense that he was here to teach or show me something. So I turned to my cards to help me uncover what that might be…

I began by asking… “What is Dans role in my life right now?”
And received The High Priestess - “Darling, keep checking in with yourself and your intuition. You know what’s right. Trust yourself and try not to allow your mind or ego to influence what you feel and know.”
I also pulled the Seven of Cups - “Yes ok messaging all day is fun but it’s taking you out of your reality. Don’t get too carried away. It’s fine to dream and let your mind wander as long as you remain grounded in reality and what’s present. Come back to your intuition, rather than getting swept up in thoughts, what ifs and urges!”
I was brought back down to earth with the Five of Swords - “Choose your battles wisely, there may be some conflict here. Stop and consider the situation before pushing forward.” (I wish I’d known then that this conflict would be a battle within myself and my own mind...)

I then continued by asking… “What lesson is Dan here to teach me? What will I learn from this?” And was very happy to see both the Nine and Ten of Cups - “Have fun and enjoy life! Despite the lessons, this will all be ok! Allow yourself to be guided by your emotions and give yourself permission to indulge without guilt.”

I closed the day, and our increasingly flirty text exchanges, by asking my cards whether I should have sex with this guy. Hello Ace of Wands; a card of awakening energy, exciting potential, heat and passion… and a big fat thumbs up to my cheeky question. I sent a photo to my best friend with a thousand laughing face emojis.

In the space between our first and second date, my mind and ego entered the equation. I began overthinking every tiny detail, questioning whether this guy did in fact like me at all and feeling anxious when he didn’t reply to my messages quick enough or didn’t say the right thing. Cue Three of Swords; my mind was overtaking and overruling my heart in an attempt to control and keep me safe from the unknown because honestly, this whole situation was bringing up A LOT of stuff around my need for attention and being ‘liked’.

Fast forward to our second date and he asked me to bring my tarot cards along. I was thrilled to have a guy even remotely interested in what I was so deeply passionate about. I read for him in a bustling restaurant and then cheekily asked him to pull some cards for me. He did a fancy poker-style shuffle *swoon*, a few cards jumped out, then he spread out the rest for me to choose from. Had I been sipping my drink at this point, I would’ve spat it out in disbelief (charming I know).
Ace of Wands AGAIN!? The Empress AND The Emperor together!? This guy was the epitome of the grounded King of Pentacles energy and the Ace of Swords was a welcome breath of clarity and relief to my busy mind.

But this relief was pretty short lived, as there was still SO MUCH coming up for me to process and work through. Dan was triggering the shit out of me, but in kind of a good way!? He was holding up a mirror to the parts of myself that needed seeing and healing. And you bet my tarot cards were there to support and guide me the whole way through.

During this period of a few weeks, I saw The Hanged Man three times. I was being asked to deeply surrender to the process. It was a process after all. I was uncovering and subsequently shedding a huge amount, as all this coincided with eclipse season too.

Before Dan slowly and quietly exited my life (aka messaged less and less), I reached a point where my overthinking and analysing was making me feel insane. It had been days since I’d heard from him and my mind was in overdrive. I felt hurt and abandoned, but in truth, this was showing me how I had abandoned myself (and my sanity) through all this.
Of course, I turned to my journal and my cards once again for clarity and comfort. No such luck. I was confronted with Death, Ten of Swords and The World… three cards that all represent completions, endings and beginnings in their own unique ways. I resisted and tried to worm my way out of it, telling myself this was about letting my old mindset die and starting anew. But being two Major Arcana cards, I was very much being guided down a different path that was out of my control.

Dan was due to call the following week but never did, without explanation or apology. I sent him a polite voice note saying this wasn’t working for me and wished him well (why am I so nice!?) but my god did it feel empowering to advocate for myself, for what I deserved, and to use my voice in this way. My mind instantly felt better and I soon cleared his messages from my phone and deleted his number. The cycle was complete.

On the full moon, I asked my cards what I was releasing and pulled the Two of Cups. Whilst I don’t personally believe this card to be about love and romance with another person, it felt poignant nonetheless. Alongside it, I pulled the Two of Swords. I had been battling myself so intensely, trying to make myself think differently, or not think at all, that I had been shutting myself out. I was now slowing removing the blindfold of just how much I had turned a blind eye to and compromised on. He was absolutely not right for me, in so many ways. But look how much I learnt. And these cards served as a gentle reminder to love myself, to care for myself, to date myself, to buy myself some roses, no matter what.

Looking back to the cards I pulled at the start of all this, they so beautifully encapsulate this very short, somehow sweet, season of my life. As I reflect, I feel gratitude for it, for him, and a smile greets me. In a way, it feels like Ten of Cups; fulfilled, thankful for the experience and in a stronger relationship with myself.

It just goes to show that ‘on paper’ means nothing if the person underneath is just not right. This is where trusting my intuition fully came in to force. I instinctively knew when it was time to call it a day, rather than clinging on to something that wasn’t meant to be and, quite honestly, was taking up way too much of my energy. Truth be told, I sensed this much sooner and there is a lesson in that too.

I am also so grateful that my tarot cards held me so intently and firmly through all of this. I cannot tell you how much has surfaced, for which I was utterly unprepared for and still working through now. Who knew a casual bit of fun setting up a dating app on Monday night would lead to so much. And yes, it’s safe to say I’m taking a little breather from dating for now!